Inevitable

I set the phone back in the cradle, then leaned back on my bed and sighed.  It had been three days, and I still couldn't bring myself to dial more than two digits of Cayn's phone number.  I knew something was wrong, but I really didn't want to guess what, considering my first guess would not induce attractive behavior in me.  I stood up and stretched, then headed for the door without really coming down from the stretch.  I had to feel tall if I was going over to the Arrowleaf residence.

The bus ride was familiar, but there was no danger of falling asleep before I got there.  I was too nervous, too worried.  Cayn didn't know it, but he was the only person I knew who could get me this concerned about anything.  Especially when it came to what I was fearing.

It took way too long to walk to the house in my current state, so I ran the whole way—almost the whole way.  I didn't want to look freaked out and knackered in front of his dad, so I stopped a couple yards away and composed myself, then went on up to the door.

He answered on the second knock.  "Oh, hello Van."  He looked more put out than usual.  My stomach clenched, but I pasted on the customary respectful smile I saved up for him.

"Good afternoon, sir.  Um, is Cayn home?"

"Yes, but he's…"  Mr. Arrowleaf glanced over his shoulder, towards Cayn's room.  "He's a bit upset."

I fought the urge to gnaw my bottom lip.  "D'you mind if I come in?  I'd like to help…"

For a second I was positive he was going to ask me to come another day, but I put on my most desperate "I'm a good person, really" face and watched something change behind his eyes.  His entire face softened, and then he stepped aside, granting me entrance into the house.

I thanked him almost breathlessly and half-flew to Cayn's room.  The door was shut, no surprise there, but when I reached for the knob, I noticed it lacked the tightness that would have been there if he'd locked it.  I turned it and the door shuddered reluctantly open.

Cayn was sitting on his bed, curled into a very tight ball and moaning softly, like a ghost afraid to wail properly.  He had his hands over his head, trapping his face between his knees, his shoulders shook and made his back look even more tense.

I started to announce myself, but then I shut my mouth.  He had super hearing or whatever it should be called, he knew I was there and that it was specifically me.  I shut the door behind me and cleared my throat, needlessly.  He didn't look up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.  We'd been friends for two years now, and although I didn't know if he'd call me his best, I would call him mine, without hesitating.  The only person who could even challenge him for the title was Dice, and he was more like a brother.  I sat on the bed.

"Aud—she…"  He cut himself off with a sob.  "It's over…"

Dammit.  That was exactly what I was afraid of—I'd seen signs of their relationship deteriorating for months, but I hadn't wanted to admit it was more than just the ugliness of jealousy.  I sat on the bed and reached over to pull him into a tight hug.

He wasn't always happy to receive hugs from anyone who was not Aud, but he let me hold onto him.  It would have to be enough, for now.  He wasn't talking anymore, and I didn't expect him to, it was too private a hurt and he was probably doing his damnedest not to relive it over and over.

He'd relied on her too much, shit…!  I had to grit my teeth to keep from hugging him too tightly.  "It's gonna be okay.  I promise."

"But she—" he broke off into another sob, then gave in to it, pressing his face into my shoulder and getting a start on completely soaking my shirt.  I rubbed his back and whispered things I hoped were soothing.

We stayed like that for a while, a compact ball of misery and attempted comfort, until I realized that the hand I had on his back was a little too relaxed.  I tightened it into a sort of loose fist and raised it to his shoulder height, then rested my fingers on his bicep.  A stupid man would have mentioned how much said stupid man wanted to be considered as a potential next relationship, and an even more idiotic one would have tried to kiss him.  I'd kept quiet for two years, I couldn't screw up now.

Even though I already had, a bit.  He had lifted his head to stare at me, and I could have sworn that a glimmer of realization was beginning to show in his eyes.  The wicked thought that he might be more pliable in his current state of rebound made me feel like a hideous jerk, so I locked it up.  There was no way I could do that to him, not now, not in his dad's house.  I pretended not to notice the tension mounting between us and lifted his chin, straightening his shoulders.  "Chin up," I said, grinning.  "You need to get out of the house."

"Dunwanna."  He sniffled and let his head fall back down, chin tucked against his chest.

"Of course you don't, Oie."  The familiar nickname made him blush for some reason, but I pretended not to see.  "But today is my birthday, so you'll have to do what I want."  I pinched his bicep, then moved my hand before I could do something much more revealing.  It must have been the sudden loss of Aud Rose—it was usually so much easier to keep my hands off and play the friend.

Cayn forced a chuckle.  "Your birthday isn't for another week."

"Right.  But I'm turning twenty, so it'll be a leap.  I'm gonna need a bit of a run-up, ya know."  I took him by the wrists and pulled up out of the bed, onto his feet.  Then I nearly screwed up beyond amends—I started to reach for his hand.  He wasn't looking though, so I just arced my hands past his and put them in my pockets.  "So I should start by taking you out for dinner."

"But it's your birthday that's coming up, I should…"  He glanced around the room, a pained expression on his face.  "I should treat you."

"Your company is treat enough."  I smiled brightly.  His pockets basically had holes, and I'd gotten a pretty good job recently, so logic pointed to me paying, especially since it was my idea and he was the one who needed a vacation from his grief.

I lead the way to the front room, promising that if I didn't get Cayn back by 11:30, then I'd keep him at my apartment and deliver him in the morning.  Mr. Arrowleaf didn't look terribly keen on that, but he did look relieved to see Cayn walking around.  How bad had it been?

Once we were outside, the door closed behind us and a light evening breeze propelling us towards McKay's, I looped around Cayn so that I was the one walking closer to the street.  "It's been three days, you know."

"…I know."

"Not a word, not a hey, not a bugger the hell off…"

"Stop it, I know…!"

"I was really worried."

"Sorry."

"It's gonna take more than that to make it up to me," I said, angling my head so he could catch the twinkle in my eye.  "You owe me a…"  We'd played this game before, owing favors or strange and usually quite money-free gifts for small screwups or failing to follow through with a plan.

"A what?"  Cayn seemed more himself out here in the burgeoning night air.  His hair stood up in that adorable way that was exclusive to him, and although he wasn't smiling, I couldn't help thinking it wouldn't be too hard to get a smile out of him later.

"I'll think of something."  I shoved my hands in my pockets again, even though they itched to reach for him in some capacity.  I'd probably never get to even tell him how I felt, but at least I had this.  It would be hard, with Aud Rose apparently out of the picture, I'd feel guilty just considering asking Cayn on a date—which didn't really matter since I knew he'd say no.

He looked so sweet and lost, walking next to me with his shoulders hunched.  "It better not be anything embarrassing…"

McKay's wasn't far at all now.  I nudged Cayn ahead of me, still grinning, but feeling it less.  "Where's the fun if it's not embarrassing to someone?"