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Rice Test by Kid-Apocalypse Rice Test by Kid-Apocalypse
The context in which the doodle belongs.

As the title and lineart-stage indicate, this is practice in....a couple of things. Comic formatting, backgrounds, and illustrating a concept. As such, I really need constructive criticism. I need to know what I should change/work on and why--but also what works and why. The plea for "advanced critique" is turned on here for a reason.

I've gotten four hours of sleep in the last forty-one hours. SuPriNo is at.... 29 thousand-something, I think I have drawn Chopstick McGee more than any other character in my history, and I've been more serious in these paragraphs than I meant to. ^^; ^^;
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with Mayaj. I saw the blade before I saw who was talking in the second panel. Otherwise, I like the detail and the slightly Wonderland-ish... how do I explain this... the shift. It's not quite normal though it may seem so at first. We see a boy on a... sofa? Mattress? with a poster on the wall and a clock and what might be a lamp-post to one side. Then the oddity starts.
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007
Then, as it's unanimous, the second panel will be redone. Thank you. :)

That's a very insightful estimation. I like it. :D (Chopstick is a girl, though ^^; just too young to have a girlish figure)
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah... I see. Is she the one I just hugged in "Thicker than Water"?
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2007
:nod: I just did the first half of her real first comic page today. Uh, yesterday. I'm not sure, days pass weird for me.
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, same. If I didn't have work I'd be wondering whether it was Tuesday or Friday.
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2007
YES. Work makes one insane. GAH. thank heaven for my sketchbook and ten-minute breaks....
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:iconpaladin343:
Paladin343 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
...I was thinking more along the lines of one day runs into the other in summer usually, unless it's Sunday. When I have work, I have to remember what day it is.

I get a fifteen-minute break, but only one. Fifteen minutes gets really short when I'm trying to eat lunch or dinner with enough time to cool off (usually literally).
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2007
For me it's because I work from 10:00pm to 6:30am the next day, and then I go to sleep. ^^;

They'd get sued if we only got one break--most of them are only five minutes, but still. We get lunch, too.
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:iconhagge:
Hagge Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007  Professional General Artist
I'd go with Maya as far as character placing...other thing is, perhaps, just change the font or writing of Jone's speech...make it different from everyone else's...
The other thing...for more impact for the other character...slightly placed to the side or angled diff'rently in the panel to indicate further stress.
But I should talk. No one will ever see my comics...=p
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007
:writing much down: Jones's speech difference is a hard thing to get across here since he's the only one who actually speaks, so I'll have to get another strip done to test that... Thanks. Maybe a mock-up with just some one-liner situations.

Which panel do you mean? The first or the last? And by angled, do you mean drawn at a different angle or just moved to be off-center?

This is very not my arena, which is why I'm asking you guys. :)
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:iconmayaj:
Mayaj Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
This is actually excellent, but if I were to change anything - to give the feeling of the passage of a certain amount of time, there are tricks for that in comics. For example, in the second panel I'd have Jones a little higher and nearer the center so it's obvious he's the one talking. And to reinforce that in the third panel I'd have a more substantial closeup on his face. But that's just the way I know how to do comics and is no more valid than anyone's. :D
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
No less valid either. ;p Another problem that ties in a little to what you said is that I need to figure out a concrete way for Jones to speak. He's a mouthless doll stuffed with a soul, so he shouldn't be able to speak conventionally (although for some inexplicable reason he can fart, try explaining that one....), so my regular way of indicating speech should probably be more stylized for him. Or thought-bubble-ized at the least....

I might change the second panel, but the third probably has to stay as it is--too close an -up on him and he goes from simple to resembling a 3rd grade doodle.
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:iconmayaj:
Mayaj Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
Maybe somekind of ghostly effect on the words or talk line? Drop a fuzzy shadow, or something? Or make the edges glow?
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
He actually glows, so I'm not sure if his 'speech' glowing anywhere would be too much or a good tie-in. Wavering lines on a speech bubble could work, but I'm losing my like for bubbles... I could forego fonts and just write his lines by hand too.
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:iconmayaj:
Mayaj Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
Maybe just an unusual color? If everyone's text is black/white his could be red.
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
Maybe. But my color scheme for the whole deal is just grays and connected blues, with red only when the bloody characters show up. His dialogue being red would take away from that contrast.... The funny thing is, I can hear what his voice sounds like in my head--he sounds like a younger Marvin from the HHGTTG radio shows. :O_o:
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:iconmayaj:
Mayaj Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
Hmm... I gotchya. Maybe just shadowed then?
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:iconkid-apocalypse:
Kid-Apocalypse Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2007
Shadowed works!
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