If he hadn't taken my hand and lifted me to my feet, it would have taken me a lot longer to stand up. As it was, my knees felt like plastic bags half-filled with water and goldfish. They didn't get any less wibbly when Cayn squeezed my hand instead of letting go. He tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, but his palm was sweating and I could see his free hand shaking. I returned the squeeze and started walking towards the car.
The grass crunched a little underfoot, squeaking against the rubber of my skate shoes, while crickets began their nightly opera matinee. I grinned up at Cayn, swinging our hands a little, just to remind myself that he was still hanging on. It felt like I would never stop grinning.
There were a lot of things I might have said, but nothing I could say, so I just kept quiet until we got to the car. We stood in front of the passenger's side door for a few moments, staring at it, the tires, the sky
anything but each other. In a way, Cayn defaulted to shy, but I wasn't used to it. But I liked to think that we were both trying to find a way to hang onto each other and still get in the car.
Since that was honestly a bit of a physical impossibility, I relaxed my hand and let go, then kissed his shoulder. Maybe I was being hard on him, but I couldn't help feeling a small thrill of joy when he didn't flinch away from me.
"Your keys." He reached into his pocket and got stuck. I hid a smile behind my still very warm hand and watched him twist and dance about trying to tug them free. When they finally flew up out of his pocket with a discordant jangle, he actually stumbled a little. He planted his feet better and stood there catching his breath for a second, then handed me the keys. His face was pink, and he wouldn't look at me, but I pretended to have just blinked a particularly long blink.
I unlocked his door first, then opened it and acted like a besotted chauffeur. Then I jogged round the back of the car and finally got into the driver's seat. "You're sure you want to
He finished it for me. "Stay over? II think I
I think I need to stop thinking." The pinkness streaked onwards from his face to his neck, and darkened at the tips of his ears. His eyes were focused so intently on his knees that I was convinced there were going to be holes in his jeans in a moment.
"That sounds like a pretty good idea." I jerked the seat forward and locked it in place, then flicked the keys so that the ignition key stood out among them. We were on the road soon enough, headlights cutting a miniscule line of sight out of the darkness.
Every now and then, I stole a glance at Cayn. The first few miles, he did his best not to look at me, which was worrying, but after a while, he relaxed into the seat and smiled at me every time he caught me looking. Sometimes it looked like he was going to say something, but he never did.
By the time we pulled into my parking space, he'd all but fallen asleep, sort of curled up in his seat. I killed the engine and reclaimed my keys. "It's not a daydream, right?" I asked myself, almost too hushed to even hear myself. It was a warm night, especially since my car had no working air at all, but not that humid. No wonder Cayn had fallen asleep.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and he snapped upright, making mnum-mnum noises mixed in with the familiar sound of a thin line of drool retracting and the subsequent attempts to cover it up. He covered his mouth and most of his face with his hands, then gradually peeked out.
"We're here," I said, feeling a little stupid.
He looked out the window, then back at me. "Oh." That was all he said. Then he set to fighting with his seatbelt, tugging and pushing the button without enough force, then making it even worse by locking it and frantically tapping the button. I reached over to pin his arms and press the button.
The seatbelt released, then fwipped back out of the way. Cayn panted and glared at it, then looked down at my hands. In the chaoshe hadn't stopped wriggling at allI'd been pulled almost completely out of my seat and into his lap. One of my hands was resting boldly on his thigh, while the other had been pushed behind him, and then slid downwards.
My own breathing was rather less than steady, but I managed to move both hands and still push myself back to my seat. I tried to chuckle and appear nonchalant, but it wasn't very convincing. Especially since my voice completely failed and just cut off into silence after a second.
I tackled my door open and nearly tumbled out into the parking lot. It was actually chilly, compared to how warm it had gotten inside the car. I shivered and rubbed my shoulders, then kicked my door shut and yanked the door open before Cayn could try to do it himself.
Then I sneezed, which was just unfair.
In a lithe movement that didn't seem to have a name, Cayn got out of the car and stood behind me. He hugged me to him and rubbed my arms, lowering his head so that he could have whispered in my ear. I leaned into him and started to think that sneezing wasn't actually such a bad thing. It was all about timing.
A light a few yards behind us flicked on, and he jumped back so quickly I nearly fell on my ass. I turned the almost-fall into a spin so I could see why he'd freaked out. "Cayn?"
He had his hands in his pockets, which ended up looking silly, as the pockets weren't really big enough to accommodate his hands, and practically whistled. He looked like he was trying to convince a cop that he hadn't been tagging a wall, even though there was paint in his hair and the can was still in his hand.
I blinked a few times, then just shook my head and locked the car. "We should go inside. Come on."
Although I started off walking to my apartment, Cayn's pace quickly went from strolling to pretending not to gallop, and I had to jog to keep up. I skidded in front of my door and took a few deep breaths. Either he was falling over himself with uncanny eagerness to continue what we'd started in the field, or something was wrong.
But I was a terribly selfish, narcissistic person and I wanted to get the hell inside and see what would happen next. I unlocked the door and followed the Cayn-shaped blur at a marginally more relaxed pace.
As soon as the door was shut, I grabbed him by the collar and yanked his mouth onto mine. He pressed me up against the door, both hands headed straight for my jeans. It was really difficult to remember that I should breathe.
The panels on the door jabbed my shoulder blades hard. Combined with the pressure on my front, I was whimpering after about three seconds. Cayn looped his arms around my waist and lifted me away from the door, keeping his mouth exactly where it was. His hands propped me up rather lower than they would have been allowed to outside, squeezing so that I kept gasping.
He pulled back, still holding my butt rather firmly, and somehow lead us over to the couch. The oddest thoughts were popping into my head then. Glad I cleaned up yesterday, tripping right now would be a little on the humiliating side, and I wonder if he'll mind that this is the first time I'veoh crap. Am I even doing it right?!
"Cayn," I whispered, not at all steadily. We were standing in front of the couch now, sort of braided together in a tilty tangle of limbs. "I"
Then we tumbled onto the couch, not neatly, but it didn't hurt that much. I ended up on top of Cayn, though I wasn't sure how that had happened. He looked amazing from this angle, though. I wondered what other angles I'd get to see him from
The thought triggered a slow realization, but I held it at bay.
He chuckled, his voice surprisingly deep. My knees whooped in a metaphorical sense and shouted at my elbows to stop keeping my face so far from his, and they listened. Cayn leaned up the necessary two inches and kissed the tip of my nose. I blushed so hard my eyes almost misted over even as my nose wrinkled.
While my vision was impaired, Cayn took advantage and stole the top from me. Then he grinned down at me, returning his blind attention to my zipper.
Why did he look so confused? And the sound of the slider disconnecting the metal teeth had stopped too. I looked down and saw my hand holding his still. Oh. That was why he was looking at me like that. I tried to duck my head, but it was hard to do while lying on my back. "I'm sorry
" I mumbled, then swallowed a curse.
I felt a shrug coming on, but that wouldn't really be comfortable with my back digging into the couch cushions. Besides, it would be kind of a physical lie. I had a pretty good idea of what was wrong. I just didn't want to admit it.
The clock on the wall ticked at a very rude volume until Cayn interrupted it. "Am I
I'm sorry, this is tooI shouldn't have"
"Don't!" I grabbed his collar again and held him where he was. "II mean. Sorry. I just
This is scary, okay?" I swallowed and tried to make myself keep talking. Cayn looked a little bewildered, but he was obviously listening and doing his best to understand. His nose was doing that sweet little twitching thing. "I've never done this before."
He relaxed against me, reminding me that he really did not weight much. His nose was still twitching a little, which made the sincere, tentatively affectionate expression on his face slightly goofy. "We don't have to"
"I want to!!" Goddammit my voice just had to go and crack.
Cayn chuckled again, which was starting to become very sexy. Then he kissed my nose again and traced a finger along my jaw to my ear. "Let me finish, Rocketpants. I was gonna say, we don't have to, um
" Some of his sudden unexpected smoothness melted, exposing bare-boned shyness. "We can take it slow."
I reached down to pinch him lightly, which made him jump a little. "Do you really think we'll be able to?" I asked, only half-joking.
"Eep!" He glared at me, but it went away after a second or two. "I mean it, Van. I don't want to do anything if you're not comfortable with it
It sounded so sincere and heartfelt, an uninvolved party probably wouldn't have believed he'd fought this so firmly at first. I sighed. "Do we have time?" By that, of course, I meant, 'Are you going to stay long enough'.
He nodded. "All the time in the world."